And pretty maids all in a row….



Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells, and cockle shells,
And pretty maids all in a row

Well, to answer the above question, ‘not very well’ and don’t call me Mary…..!! My garden has been well and truly neglected as has everything for the last few months as ‘Bridezilla’ (as I have now been renamed) concentrates on her upcoming nuptials. The other day, I spent a very long afternoon sat on my bed putting silver coloured heart shaped chocolates into several cardboard ‘brides’. I tried to be joyous, to keep impatience and general stroppyness at bay but failed miserably. By ‘bride’ number 17, I was ready to throw said maids out of the effing window. I tried, I really did, I even turned over to the film “The Greatest Story Ever Told” to try and infuse some Easter cheeriness but it didn’t help (mind you, I suppose a story which has a crucifixion has its high point, wasn’t really going to increase the cheery level now was it!)

An hour later, I was only half way through the folding of the lines to create said ‘brides’ and failure was looming large. The stress level was rising by the second and the job was soon to be resigned to the rubbish bin when the lurking figure of P peeped round the doorway. “Everything ok?” he asked tentatively (he’s been here before, he knows the score – don’t be too cheery around the crazily stressed me) One look at my face obviously told him as much as he needed to know as he instantly offered tea, biscuits and a helping hand, all of which were gratefully accepted.

So we both sat on the bed listening to our favourite music, drinking tea and scoffing our M&S Easter treat biccies whilst folding, assembling and putting together cardboard ‘favour’ boxes in the shape of brides and grooms. What on earth I was thinking when I ordered them, I have no idea. Yes, they were dirt cheap and so were the choccies but I obviously hadn’t thought through the putting them together – there is a real reason why normal, soon to be married people get someone else to do these dopey things and that’s because they’re mind-numbingly tedious to put together! But thankfully, with a bit of help and a nice cup of green tea, ‘Bridezilla’ slowly faded away and we got the job finished, with only a small amount of my control-freak-dom coming to the fore.

With less than seven weeks to go, it’s all started to hit me like a big spiky hammer, how much is left to do for this supposedly ‘low-key’ wedding (ha! Really….??) Plus the realisation that I’m going to need some real girly help very soon to discuss the nitty gritty of chair covers, sashes, place names, seating plans, table confetti (yes, there really is such a thing) etc as poor old P, great as he is, really isn’t that interested in such matters. So I called on the ever helpful family members, sister and niece. They duly obliged and came with me to my makeup and hair trial and ‘ooh’ed and ‘aah’ed in all the right places and are also booked in again next week to attempt the ‘how to make a chair cover out of a strip of material that cost 50p and a second hand silver organza sash’ challenge!

This wheelchair wedding is going to be fine I know, outside of my ‘Bridezilla’ moments, I know that it’s going to be a day of pure love and happiness, celebrating the joy of family and friends and a time to just enjoy the moment. Although how I’m going to cope with allowing someone else to sort out where everything goes on the actual day while I’m outside having photos taken, I don’t know. My control-freak-dom will have to take a back seat that day and P is already warned that if I start to worry or stress, I must be distracted immediately, preferably with a large glass of Prosecco! (I’m sure that will work!)

So does it matter if all your “pretty maids” are all in a row? To me, usually, oh yes indeedy, but just this once I’ll let it pass, but just don’t let me see a bride shaped box sitting on a man’s plate in the reception, the total ‘wrongness’ of that would send me over the edge and I’m not sure there’s enough Prosecco in the world to help me then……….