When it comes to restrictions easing and things opening up, am I the only nervous one…..?

With the long wait to escape from some of the lockdown restrictions finally taking place, the world is beginning to look just a little bit more familiar.

Which is fabulous; in Wales, gyms and swimming pools are open again, organised children’s indoor activities are starting again and best of all, two households are now allowed to meet indoors, which means that so many grans, grampas and grandchildren can at last hug each other.

A family hug!

As the guidance changed, I was contacted by my yoga teacher. She wanted to tell me that her classes can begin again and did I want a place?

My 1st instinct was to say (well, shout actually) that I definitely wanted to start classes again but with a change of venue, I had to suddenly pause and think about wheelchair access again.

wheelchair accessibility

Now, since we’ve been in lockdown, I haven’t had to think about that very often at all. No hospital visits, no physio or counselling, no reflexology or meditation classes and certainly no hotel escapes or visits to family.

It’s been wonderful to be back in that world again. I’ve spent a year encased in a bubble feeling like at last the whole country and I were on equal footing.

We were all at home, all in the same pot, all ‘in it together‘ but now it’s lifting, it feels really weird to be ‘going backto square one‘ as it were. It’s weird because as bits of normality start creeping in, it’s a sudden kick in the stomach that I have to be ‘different‘ again?

I know that because of the pandemic, there is now a huge push forward in allowing many more people than before to work from home, also a massive increase in video calls and conferencing which is incredible. These changes at last allow so many disabled people access to those jobs but sometimes that drive forward feels like I’m being left behind….. again.

When I had my spinal fracture, it was very difficult to come to terms with having to live a different life and I am not ashamed to say I struggled massively.  I had come to terms with my chronic pain and how I now have to live my life, using a wheelchair, crutches, pacing myself ie. being different to most people. 

I know how it feels to be different, to be sat in the living room for years on end, I know how it feels for my ex-colleagues to be swept back up into timetables, marking, producing lessons, meetings and reports and I know how it feels to sit there watching the world go on without me. Feeling like I was falling down the proverbial rabbit hole with no control over my life.

But the year long ‘stay at home‘ bubble has now burst and it feels like everyone else is getting back to their ‘normal‘, jumping on public transport and moving on. Where does that leave me…..?

For a few days, this really dragged me down again; back to the dark rabbit hole where I found myself falling once again, not able to see a ways out of the darkness. 

Thankfully, it didn’t last long. I used breathing techniques to calm myself down, I used talking therapy to get those scary thoughts out of my head and I started looking towards the positive. My yoga teacher sent me photos of the front entrance which reassured me that I would be able to join the class. 

So of course, the moment the yoga question was asked, my reply was a yes, a slightly nervous but also hopeful YES!

P.S. the class was today and it was incredible; to be able to breathe again, to centre myself and just to clear my head was wonderful and I now feel just that little bit more confident than before.

Namaste 🙏 😊

4 Replies to “When it comes to restrictions easing and things opening up, am I the only nervous one…..?”

  1. I so understand!! It’s been nice this past year to have the world come into our homes (virtually) so we could join in to things we’d normally miss. I had a bad relapse of my chronic illness last year, and I never would have been able to manage my normal in-person book groups … but I could manage joining via Zoom for an hour from home!

    And in recent months, everyone here’s been getting vaccinated and starting to go to restaurants again, get together with friends, travel, etc. I had to put off my vax due to my immune disorder (finally got the go-ahead from my doctor after extensive testing so I got my first shot this week). I’ve really been feeling left out.

    I agree – it’s been nice for us all to be in the same boat for a bit. Of course, I am glad things are improving and certainly that fewer people are dying!!


    Live with ME/CFS

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Sue for your comments, it’s such a weird time isn’t it. I just hope that the advantages of Zoom etc carry on, it made life so much easier for me and loads of others too!


  2. Your yoga teacher sounds like a keeper! Just taking the time to reassure someone, like with taking a photo of the entrance being suitable for a wheelchair, can make a difference I think. I don’t use a wheelchair so I’ve no idea what you really go through, what you feel, all the ways in which is throws up challenges just to go out for ‘simple’ things like a doctor’s appointment. I find going out at all challenges at the best of times and to think things are going back to ‘normal’ isn’t idea. As you say, there was more equal footing. Things were increasingly accessible when everyone was told to stay at home. All those people for whom it really benefitted have now been forgotten as places rush to open and people rush to get back to their lives. I’m also concerned with just how safe it really is. There’s no getting back to normal here for us unless there’s a way to find how effective (or not) vaccines have been in the immunocompromised, elderly and those on immunosuppressants. It’s all such a jumble of emotions and anger and fear and everything else. The yoga is probably a very good starting point to help get you a bit more centred, to just breathe and take things slowly. You aren’t the only one nervous lovely. I’m not sure if it helps to know that or not. Sending hugs 💜

    Caz xxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Caz, thank you so much for your comments, I agree it’s a bit of a weird world out there at the moment isn’t it? I definitely felt that we were all on the same kind of footing when we were in lockdown so it’s a bit weird to know find that we’re not, yet again. Time will tell eh?
      Thanks again Xx

      Liked by 1 person

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